thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
