happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
