Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
