just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Quick, to the slutcave!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
