Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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