At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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