you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
