Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
