Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
