I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
