I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
