it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
