I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
