Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
this is an emotional support booty call
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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