Joe is yelling at the trees again.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
