I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
