i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
