The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Every concussion has its silver lining
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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