If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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