Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i believe in u and ur pee
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
