Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
