Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
