um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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