Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
