I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
