One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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