so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
