my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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