What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
