I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I came so hard my ears popped.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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