she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
