I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You're a waste of cheezeits
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The struggles of a small town man whore
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
