It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
