I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
