i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
