it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
