Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You work out of a Hotel?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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