Porn is love you can see.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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