i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
