Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
