mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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