Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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