my mouth tastes like poor choices
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
