Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
