went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
