You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
