my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
