He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize