we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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