sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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