so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
