at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How does it feel to date your dad?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
