dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
