I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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