so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize