Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
