I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She's JV to your varsity
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
