i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think my vagina is haunted
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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