I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sponge bath it is.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
