My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize