I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
