Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just puked most of my soul out..
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
