wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize