can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
