just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize