so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it's great music for shaving your balls
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
