I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
