In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
