Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
