Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
