So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
