I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
