Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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