38 yer olds are good kisserssss
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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